No longer 0!

Finn is now 1! I can hardly believe it. Seems like yesterday he was this little teensy peanut.

Finn's first day.

I can hardly believe how much he knows already. I think he's smarter than me. He picks up things that I never would have realized that he was picking up. I caught him brushing his own hair the other day. When I saw it, I said, "are you brushing your own hair??? Can you brush mommy's hair?" and he walked over and brushed my hair. Smarty pants!

He loves to say "hi" and wave. He says it in this long drawn out way, with the sweetest baby voice.... "hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii". Darn cute. He calls me "mom" now. When he's trying to get my attention, it reminds me of Stewey on "The Family Guy".... "mom, mama, mom, mama, meme, mem, mom, mama!". He also knows when dad's not around and will call for him. He knows that our cat's name is mustache but that he's also a kitty. He's getting good with animal sounds. Here's a video of me asking him what a monkey says, what a kitty says, and what a fish says.....and he answers! Check out his fish face!

He also loves to give big kisses. He knows that at night before bed, he kisses Kaia goodnight. So, now, as soon as we say "say goodnight to Kaia", he makes a kissy mouth and leans in. So heartwarming. He'll point to her picture and say "kay kay".

He's an excellent walker now. He still falls when he's tired, but he's almost running and can get up without pulling himself up on furniture. He knows what "come here" means and is so good at listening and obeying to the word "no". Sometimes it hurts his feelings, but for the most part, he's good.

He also has grown accustomed to pointing to what he wants. When he eats, we have a few choices out for him and he'll point to the one he wants a bite of next. Or he'll point to his water and say "wa wa".

Climbing is his favorite thing. He tries to climb to get everything. It scares me, but I try not to inhibit him too much with it. He loves to climb the mommy mountain, and if I sit down, he's climbing me or rolling around on me. Here's a video.

Finn had his first birthday party at Wendy Park/Whiskey Island last Saturday. Thank you to all the family who drove from near and far....for all the food and gifts....Finn is a lucky little dude! I'm so glad  you all could make it. It was a beautiful day.  I made him a vegan/gluten free cake (because he is very food sensitive), and I figured he wouldn't eat it because he's not a sweet food fan. In fact, the cake actually made him cry. Here's a video.

I almost forgot! He loves to dance! I'm not sure if you can see this video, but it's the only one we have of him dancing. This was at Midwest Reggae Fest, where we took Finn camping for the first time. He loves reggae! Click here: Finn Skankin to Reggae!

Last but not least, you can see pics of finn's birthday bash at the lake at my facebook page here. 
If we aren't friends, send me a request, and then you can see them. :)

On his actual birthday, we took him to the zoo. He loved it!

We love Polar Bears!

Such a sweet little noggin.

Checkin' out the animals.

All in all, I have to say, this year has been the happiest of my life. It's strange to have such a happy year follow such gut wrenching times that were nearly impossible to get through. The light of life shines through this little boy, and everyone who sees him can see it. He's already been called an "old soul" by so many. I have a feeling he's going to lead a very special life. I'm sure all parents feel this way, and it's my job to nurture those qualities and let him be who he is. And who he is is a very short tempered, feisty, impatient little man with a huge heart, big smiles and warm hugs who just wants to be loved and who so obviously is loved....very very much.

Happy birthday, Finnegan!
Love,
Mommy

Happy birthday baby girl

Dear Kaia,
I miss you! I love you! I want to make those things clear. Papa and I just laid in bed at 9:16 and remembered the moment when you entered our lives. We were so scared, but had no idea the real fear was to come when your heart started to stop. Now it's two years later, and look how much you've grown us! Papa, brother Finny and I are going to the beach today to celebrate you, as a family. You've given us, us. We're a close-knit family of 4 with so much love because of you. I hope to see you there at the beach. I got you cupcakes and pink candles. Are you able to have one? I'll save you the pink cupcake. I cried picking out the candles. How many people have to buy candles for their child's birthday, when their child isn't on earth with them? It breaks my heart that I cannot hug you. It hurts bad. I know you are okay and you are free and happy and that your work here was done. But I will never stop being selfish about wanting you here. I will always miss you. As your mother, you, my baby, will always come first. You are the head of this family, and your little brother is your right hand man. He's kind of taken over the house right now. He kissed your picture this morning when we said happy birthday to you. He's such a sweet soul, and I know you know that. I see him looking at you and laughing. You're a good big sister. Today is your day. Nobody can steal that from you. Do what you please. And if what you please is to visit mommy and family today, then we would love to see you. All my love and adoration and thanks....from the depths of my ever growing heart.

Love, mommy

my kids

I love saying "my kids". I can't describe the feeling that gives me inside. Such a proud statement. ;)
I came across this pic of Kaia yesterday and realized we have the exact pic of Finn. Can you tell which is which?

Finn and Kaia looked almost identical at birth. Finn just looks like a boy version of her. I'm in love with my family. Disgustingly in love with them. Typical mother hen. lol.

Another giveaway. I LOVE this one!

Just in time for Finn's 3rd week birthday. :) I'm a huge fan of http://www.etsystalker.com. They feature some amazing artisans that I would never have found otherwise. They're all people like you and me, trying to sell their wares on etsy. One day, I grabbed my courage and asked her if she would consider featuring me. She agreed! And today, there's an interview and a giveaway right here (click here).
The winner will be chosen on September 19th, so be sure to leave your comment before then to be eligible to win.

I'm really proud of this one, if you couldn't tell. Be sure to check it out and follow her page. There are giveaways all the time, and the art is always amazing!

Finn updates to come soon....as soon as I can figure out how to get video onto the computer. ;)

One year of bliss down....50+ to go.

Today is the day I said "I do" to my amazing husband, one year ago. I cannot believe it's been a year already! We have become such a team, we truly have "become one". I thank God every day for Eric. He's my best friend, such a supportive partner, a voice of reason (when my head gets wacky!) and such a positive person to walk this path of life we are on. PLUS, he gave me the two greatest gifts of my lifetime....my daughter and my ? (we'll find out super soon here!).

I feel so blessed to have married someone so perfect for me. And I'm so excited to watch him grow as a father, as my partner and as himself through time.

I have to say, I'm a little depressed we didn't get to spend our 1st anniversary here again:

Going through our photos is so bittersweet. We had an amazing time, but we also had just lost our daughter, one month before. I am truly thankful that I had such a beacon of light in such a dark time though. Thank you, my HUSBAND! And I love you more and more each day!

Love,
Your WIFE!!!

Dear Kaia, Today is your one-year angelversary

Two days ago, I was driving your little brother or sister to St. John's for his/her 33 week check-up. As I was nearing the hospital, I heard an ambulance siren. I looked in my rearview, and there were the lights. An ambulance was going to the same hospital that I was. This is the hospital where you were born. All of a sudden, this wave of emotion came over me. The last time I was here and heard ambulance sirens, it was your ambulance transferring you to Rainbow Babies. The hospital wouldn't let me ride in the same ambulance with you because I was a "different patient" and we were going to two different units of the hospital. I laid in that ambulance and strained to watch your ambulance the entire way. Our ambulances rode side by side the entire way. Twenty minutes felt like a lifetime. I couldn't stand to be separated from you like that. It wasn't fair. I cried and cried, only to get there to find you laughing and giggling.

It was midnight, and I still couldn't sleep. So many nights with no sleep, and I was so tired. But I could never sleep when I knew something was wrong with your heart. It wasn't until the next morning that they told us you had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. The whole next week we spent with you in the NICU. You smiled every day and would stare at us the entire day, until your eyes got so tired, they had to rest. June 9th, you laughed and giggled all the way to surgery. You always made mommy feel okay about what you were about to face. Your attitude was so light. I lost family members trying to keep you that way that day of your surgery. And I don't regret it. Your happiness and lightness was and is my only concern.

It wasn't until two days before you passed onto your new life, that I saw you laugh and giggle again. The pain was too big for you to laugh through. I understand. 

On this day, one year ago, at 10:02 pm, you looked me in the eyes and told me you were leaving. I didn't believe you. I wish I had believed you because I would never have left that room. I want you to know it's one of my biggest regrets. The next time I saw you, you were gone. I held your body and screamed that it wasn't so. I wouldn't let you go until you were cold and stiff. To this day, I can't watch the videos of you yet. Someday I will be able to. I hope. This doesn't mean I don't love you. It means I'm a human who longs to be able to hold you and watch you grow as a human. Instead, I watch you grow as a soul....a divine spirit that envelopes our family and continues to reach families across the world. I talk to you and you use my hands to do the work that requires hands, and you take care of the rest. This is your first angelversary, and I remember you for all that you were, but also, for all that you continue to be as you grow in ways that are larger than inches.

I want you to know that I see you. When I think of you, I see you laughing and picture you playing with butterflies. I know you. I know your soul was/is pure and true and good. You are very much around. I feel you. I know you show yourself to me in more ways than I actually recognize. But you are everywhere and in everything. There's rarely a day that goes by that I don't tell your story. Just yesterday, I was at the store when a woman asked if this is my first baby. When I said "no", she asked (just like everyone does) how old you are. My answer is "ageless", and then I tell your story. I've gotten it down to a short version, so as not to drown people in sorrow. I don't believe your story should be one of sorrow, even though you make me cry often. I want the light that is you to always come through. After I told your story, the woman said, "I have goosebumps. That is so amazing." And I say, "I know". Because I do know. You ARE amazing. Someone once told me that goosebumps are a sign that those who have passed are right next to you. Each time I tell your story, the person says "I have goosebumps." I take that as one sure sign that you are there, telling your story through me.

As the days go by, you don't diminish. You seem to grow bigger and greater with every person I meet and every woman, man and child that has come into our new path. Your story has raised a good chunk of money for research, so far. You have changed lives emotionally, physically and mentally. I know how proud I am to call you "daughter". And, even though I will never understand fully why you had to go, I do see how powerful and completing your life is since you have moved on. Maybe it was the only way to finish your life's work.

As long as I live, I will never stop living with you and beside you. You guide us in your light. And we know God will take good care of you until we can be fully reunited again. We are a family of four, and we are on a beautiful path, of which you built.

All my love,
Mommy

updates

Well, it's been awhile since I've updated about Eric and I and baby Urban. I just finished this piece for someone, and it reminded me of our family. I can't believe we'll be a family of 4! Kaia might not be physically here, but she's definitely here!

It's summer, and we've been really working hard to prepare for our new addition. Baby Urban is growing very well. In my last post about us, we had to have a repeat anatomy ultrasound at 26 weeks to make sure the baby wasn't dropping off in size anymore. The little bean is supposedly 13 days behind, gestationally, which caused major alarms to go off for the doctors. But after a long fetal echo, the baby's heart looks healthy. The doctors wanted us back about a dozen more times before we gave birth to this one, so they could continue to monitor the growth. However, after the stress of two level 2 ultrasounds and a very long fetal echo (6 ultrasounds later), we decided to ride this pregnancy out on faith and leave it at that. We haven't had an ultrasound since week 26, and we will not be having any more. My belly measurements have been right on track, and keeping me stress-free will help baby to grow to be the correct size. I was under a HUGE amount of stress in my early pregnancy due to issues in our lives that I've since overcome, and the doctors think that could be a reason for the size. So, the less stress, the less ultrasounds, the less worry....the healthier the baby. And our main goal is to keep this baby healthy as can be, no matter what the cost!

So, with no further ultrasounds, I have no more pictures to share. I can say that my weight gain is right on track to where I was with Kaia. And with only 7 weeks to go, I'm definitely feeling ready. I feel like I was just here with Kaia, and it's so exciting and bittersweet to be going through it again. On one hand, I want Kaia to be here. But if she were here, this little one would not be. So, her life helped create this new life, and we celebrate every minute we have in this fabulous life we are given! I can't believe it's been almost a year since Kaia's passing, almost a year since our marriage....and this baby is almost here too. We feel so blessed to be given such love and joy in our lives.

It's been hot hot hot here. So, I've been couped up in my little studio with my little air conditioner, pumping out all the orders I have had. I think some pieces have come out so nicely. I just finished one that I'm so proud of. It's for a girlfriend of mine and her son. She wanted a piece to celebrate her son and whatever dreams he might have for his life. Here it is:

"A Dream For Liam"
16 x 20

Hear Us Roar!

Win win win!!!! Did I get your attention? You can win a Little Lion piece! How? Well, I'll tell ya! It's super simple. Just go to the fabulous monsterbites365.com website and read this blog "Hear Us Roar!" (click to be taken directly there). All you have to do is follow the link and comment on that blog post by telling them what animal you associate with a specific personality trait – Little Lion Designs is named after Kaia’s courage, etc. While you're there, make sure to subscribe to their blog. Lots of amazing goodies on there weekly.

New art for adults are up!

Hey all! I've been truckin' along with art and wanted to share some adult pieces I have done recently.

Visit my etsy site (click here) to purchase available art or to special order a piece.

new pieces, new pieces

New pieces are up at www.facebook.com/littleliondesigns and www.littleliondesigns.etsy.com. They're also on my website at www.littleliondesigns.com. 

Reminder that my show is running all of June at Bela Dubby. Bela Dubby hours and location are located here.

Show is up!

Well, it's officially up! My first big show is now up at Bela Dubby in Lakewood. Bela Dubby is located at 13321 Madison Ave, Lakewood, OH. I have 21 pieces up there now and am bringing in 2 more over the weekend. This Saturday there is a big arts and crafts exhibit there. It's on Saturday the 5th from 12-??. It would be a great time to go shopping for local art. :) Be sure to pick up a CHD fact flyer (hanging on the wall in a fabric pouch with all the business cards and such) and bring it into Planet Green in Rocky River for 10% off anything in the store.

Everyone is officially invited to the opening party, as well. It will be on June 12 from 5-8 pm. Lots of veggie and vegan fare, cookies, coffee, beer, etc. will be available.

Thank you all for supporting local art and helping me raise awareness and funding for the research/prevention (and one day cure!) for congenital heart defects.

click image to enlarge.

Click here to visit little lion designs official website. Sales and contact info are located in the "contact" section.

June Art Show INFO!

Hello all! The June show at Bela Dubby on Madison Ave. in Lakewood, Ohio will be going up the morning of June 1! I'm letting you all know that it will be up the entire month of June, just in case you were unable to make it to the opening on June 12 from 5-8.

For Bela Dubby or the June 12th opening party info, please see this link:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/manage/?act=56148047#!/event.php?eid=101934279844514&ref=share

Thank you all for your support! This show really means a lot to me, as it's Kaia's birthday, as well as my own. I really feel like she helped me through all the pieces and was a true inspiration to it all. I'm so honored to be able to share it with all of you.

Just a reminder that any orders placed in May will have a portion of the proceeds going to The Children's Heart Foundation in honor of Kaia's birthday. If she, or the show, or anything inspires you to give, please consider the Children's Heart Foundation or It's My Heart for your charitable dollars. Feel free to grab one or several CHD fact sheets from my show and pass them out. All donation info is located on those.

Blessings!
Stephanie

new pieces are up!

Please visit my facebook page to get the latest updates on events and works. Remember that a portion of all sales ordered in May will go to The Children's Heart Foundation, in honor of Kaia Urban.

I hope you enjoy!

Tree Frog, 18 x 24, Commissioned and sold! Copyright 2010 LLD


Apology, 22 x 30, Available for purchase, June 1 at Bela Dubby in Lakewood, OH! Copyright 2010 LLD


Michael Williams Surf Spot, 18 x 24, Commissioned and sold! Copyright 2010 LLD

Kaia's birthday month donations!

Hello all! It's May. And May is the month our beautiful daughter was born. To honor her life during her birthday month, I will be donating (a minimum of $10 from each sale I make) to the Children's Heart Foundation. If you would like to donate a bit of spare change or whatever you can afford, in honor of her and all the other children who have passed away from CHDs or live with them daily, please visit The Children's Heart Foundation, and click the donate link. I would also like to mention It's My Heart, as well, who also need donations. To donate to It's My Heart, please go to It's My Heart's website and click the donate link.

Holy Moly! Was NOT expecting this!

My good friend, Sativa, is such an amazing woman and a huge supporter of Little Lion. I was surprised this morning to wake up to a message that LLD has a write-up on an automotive blog (I used to be a designer for two automotive magazines). What a wonderful Mother's Day gift! I'm not sure how many people follow this blog, but each person that reads this is one more person closer to finding what causes CHDs and stopping them altogether! Thank you, Sativa! And thank you AskPatty.com! You can read the write-up here.

Mother's Day

This mother's day is a rough one. I will be celebrating it with my husband, and it feels so strange. It's almost been one year since Kaia's birth and I still cry every day. I still can't listen to certain songs. Sometimes when our baby kicks inside of me, I think of her...of stroking her hair or her soft soft skin....of her beautiful face and how she would look at me. It's so hard to let go of the guilt. We should have taken her to cleveland clinic. We should never have let those doctors and nurses touch her anymore after butchering her surgery and then never watching after her like they should have. I want to talk to a lawyer, but I don't have the strength to relive it all just yet.

I'm honored to have been given a second chance at a child. I (we) worry about how much this one will look like her, and if we'll be able to handle that emotionally. Will I be able to attach myself to him/her or will I stay distant because I don't ever want to feel that loss again? I already feel attached, and it's scary. Once you lose a child, you feel that it's so easy to lose a child and that it could happen again. I can't explain it properly.

When you're pregnant, so many people ask you if this is your first child. I know they mean well and to make conversation. I'm happy to talk about my daughter, but sometimes it's just not the right time or the right person to talk about it to. I find myself, all day, every day, telling the story of how I lost my precious girl to an ugly defect. Soon, I'm crying with a total stranger. And the conversation always ends there, with an "I'm sorry" and then a look of pity.

On this mother's day, I make a promise to myself and my family, that my children will always be the most important people in my life. I will always fight for them. I will always protect them. I will always be here for them. I will never turn my back on them or be petty with them. I will never cause unnecessary drama in their lives. I will never make myself more important than them. They will always come before all others. I will let them feel and be and do whatever it is they are called to. I will love them unconditionally, forever, with no boundaries. And I will forever be their mother, even if not all of them are here with me on earth.

Happy Mother's day to all of the great mothers out there.

latest work

All pieces (except for the fairy) are available for purchase on June 1 from Bela Dubby in Lakewood, OH. Come to my show June 12 from 5-8 and see in person! Also can be purchased on my etsy site. See etsy link on the right side of this page!

Today

Today, in the knowledge of such tragedy, loss & fights for life.... I am reminded to be grateful for my health, for my husband and love life, for my family, for the life inside of me and for our glowing happiness that eminates from living simply and simply living.

Ultrasound awesomeness

Look at how cool our baby is. He/she may be small, but it's already giving us the peace sign during it's fetal Echo. It's saying, "I'm cool guys, really. No worries. Can you shut off the lights?". This child fits in already. Peace and love baby! And what is that in front of the leg? Is that the other leg or the chord or something else? Any u/s experts out there?

Newbies!

this one here is "Lily":

Click image to make bigger.

This one is "Moonlight & Copperfoot".

Click to make image larger.

Both will be available for purchase at my June show at Bela Dubby! (June 12, 5-8 pm in Lakewood).