Happy birthday baby girl

Dear Kaia,
I miss you! I love you! I want to make those things clear. Papa and I just laid in bed at 9:16 and remembered the moment when you entered our lives. We were so scared, but had no idea the real fear was to come when your heart started to stop. Now it's two years later, and look how much you've grown us! Papa, brother Finny and I are going to the beach today to celebrate you, as a family. You've given us, us. We're a close-knit family of 4 with so much love because of you. I hope to see you there at the beach. I got you cupcakes and pink candles. Are you able to have one? I'll save you the pink cupcake. I cried picking out the candles. How many people have to buy candles for their child's birthday, when their child isn't on earth with them? It breaks my heart that I cannot hug you. It hurts bad. I know you are okay and you are free and happy and that your work here was done. But I will never stop being selfish about wanting you here. I will always miss you. As your mother, you, my baby, will always come first. You are the head of this family, and your little brother is your right hand man. He's kind of taken over the house right now. He kissed your picture this morning when we said happy birthday to you. He's such a sweet soul, and I know you know that. I see him looking at you and laughing. You're a good big sister. Today is your day. Nobody can steal that from you. Do what you please. And if what you please is to visit mommy and family today, then we would love to see you. All my love and adoration and thanks....from the depths of my ever growing heart.

Love, mommy

Another giveaway. I LOVE this one!

Just in time for Finn's 3rd week birthday. :) I'm a huge fan of http://www.etsystalker.com. They feature some amazing artisans that I would never have found otherwise. They're all people like you and me, trying to sell their wares on etsy. One day, I grabbed my courage and asked her if she would consider featuring me. She agreed! And today, there's an interview and a giveaway right here (click here).
The winner will be chosen on September 19th, so be sure to leave your comment before then to be eligible to win.

I'm really proud of this one, if you couldn't tell. Be sure to check it out and follow her page. There are giveaways all the time, and the art is always amazing!

Finn updates to come soon....as soon as I can figure out how to get video onto the computer. ;)

Dear Kaia, Today is your one-year angelversary

Two days ago, I was driving your little brother or sister to St. John's for his/her 33 week check-up. As I was nearing the hospital, I heard an ambulance siren. I looked in my rearview, and there were the lights. An ambulance was going to the same hospital that I was. This is the hospital where you were born. All of a sudden, this wave of emotion came over me. The last time I was here and heard ambulance sirens, it was your ambulance transferring you to Rainbow Babies. The hospital wouldn't let me ride in the same ambulance with you because I was a "different patient" and we were going to two different units of the hospital. I laid in that ambulance and strained to watch your ambulance the entire way. Our ambulances rode side by side the entire way. Twenty minutes felt like a lifetime. I couldn't stand to be separated from you like that. It wasn't fair. I cried and cried, only to get there to find you laughing and giggling.

It was midnight, and I still couldn't sleep. So many nights with no sleep, and I was so tired. But I could never sleep when I knew something was wrong with your heart. It wasn't until the next morning that they told us you had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. The whole next week we spent with you in the NICU. You smiled every day and would stare at us the entire day, until your eyes got so tired, they had to rest. June 9th, you laughed and giggled all the way to surgery. You always made mommy feel okay about what you were about to face. Your attitude was so light. I lost family members trying to keep you that way that day of your surgery. And I don't regret it. Your happiness and lightness was and is my only concern.

It wasn't until two days before you passed onto your new life, that I saw you laugh and giggle again. The pain was too big for you to laugh through. I understand. 

On this day, one year ago, at 10:02 pm, you looked me in the eyes and told me you were leaving. I didn't believe you. I wish I had believed you because I would never have left that room. I want you to know it's one of my biggest regrets. The next time I saw you, you were gone. I held your body and screamed that it wasn't so. I wouldn't let you go until you were cold and stiff. To this day, I can't watch the videos of you yet. Someday I will be able to. I hope. This doesn't mean I don't love you. It means I'm a human who longs to be able to hold you and watch you grow as a human. Instead, I watch you grow as a soul....a divine spirit that envelopes our family and continues to reach families across the world. I talk to you and you use my hands to do the work that requires hands, and you take care of the rest. This is your first angelversary, and I remember you for all that you were, but also, for all that you continue to be as you grow in ways that are larger than inches.

I want you to know that I see you. When I think of you, I see you laughing and picture you playing with butterflies. I know you. I know your soul was/is pure and true and good. You are very much around. I feel you. I know you show yourself to me in more ways than I actually recognize. But you are everywhere and in everything. There's rarely a day that goes by that I don't tell your story. Just yesterday, I was at the store when a woman asked if this is my first baby. When I said "no", she asked (just like everyone does) how old you are. My answer is "ageless", and then I tell your story. I've gotten it down to a short version, so as not to drown people in sorrow. I don't believe your story should be one of sorrow, even though you make me cry often. I want the light that is you to always come through. After I told your story, the woman said, "I have goosebumps. That is so amazing." And I say, "I know". Because I do know. You ARE amazing. Someone once told me that goosebumps are a sign that those who have passed are right next to you. Each time I tell your story, the person says "I have goosebumps." I take that as one sure sign that you are there, telling your story through me.

As the days go by, you don't diminish. You seem to grow bigger and greater with every person I meet and every woman, man and child that has come into our new path. Your story has raised a good chunk of money for research, so far. You have changed lives emotionally, physically and mentally. I know how proud I am to call you "daughter". And, even though I will never understand fully why you had to go, I do see how powerful and completing your life is since you have moved on. Maybe it was the only way to finish your life's work.

As long as I live, I will never stop living with you and beside you. You guide us in your light. And we know God will take good care of you until we can be fully reunited again. We are a family of four, and we are on a beautiful path, of which you built.

All my love,
Mommy

updates

Well, it's been awhile since I've updated about Eric and I and baby Urban. I just finished this piece for someone, and it reminded me of our family. I can't believe we'll be a family of 4! Kaia might not be physically here, but she's definitely here!

It's summer, and we've been really working hard to prepare for our new addition. Baby Urban is growing very well. In my last post about us, we had to have a repeat anatomy ultrasound at 26 weeks to make sure the baby wasn't dropping off in size anymore. The little bean is supposedly 13 days behind, gestationally, which caused major alarms to go off for the doctors. But after a long fetal echo, the baby's heart looks healthy. The doctors wanted us back about a dozen more times before we gave birth to this one, so they could continue to monitor the growth. However, after the stress of two level 2 ultrasounds and a very long fetal echo (6 ultrasounds later), we decided to ride this pregnancy out on faith and leave it at that. We haven't had an ultrasound since week 26, and we will not be having any more. My belly measurements have been right on track, and keeping me stress-free will help baby to grow to be the correct size. I was under a HUGE amount of stress in my early pregnancy due to issues in our lives that I've since overcome, and the doctors think that could be a reason for the size. So, the less stress, the less ultrasounds, the less worry....the healthier the baby. And our main goal is to keep this baby healthy as can be, no matter what the cost!

So, with no further ultrasounds, I have no more pictures to share. I can say that my weight gain is right on track to where I was with Kaia. And with only 7 weeks to go, I'm definitely feeling ready. I feel like I was just here with Kaia, and it's so exciting and bittersweet to be going through it again. On one hand, I want Kaia to be here. But if she were here, this little one would not be. So, her life helped create this new life, and we celebrate every minute we have in this fabulous life we are given! I can't believe it's been almost a year since Kaia's passing, almost a year since our marriage....and this baby is almost here too. We feel so blessed to be given such love and joy in our lives.

It's been hot hot hot here. So, I've been couped up in my little studio with my little air conditioner, pumping out all the orders I have had. I think some pieces have come out so nicely. I just finished one that I'm so proud of. It's for a girlfriend of mine and her son. She wanted a piece to celebrate her son and whatever dreams he might have for his life. Here it is:

"A Dream For Liam"
16 x 20

Hear Us Roar!

Win win win!!!! Did I get your attention? You can win a Little Lion piece! How? Well, I'll tell ya! It's super simple. Just go to the fabulous monsterbites365.com website and read this blog "Hear Us Roar!" (click to be taken directly there). All you have to do is follow the link and comment on that blog post by telling them what animal you associate with a specific personality trait – Little Lion Designs is named after Kaia’s courage, etc. While you're there, make sure to subscribe to their blog. Lots of amazing goodies on there weekly.

New art for adults are up!

Hey all! I've been truckin' along with art and wanted to share some adult pieces I have done recently.

Visit my etsy site (click here) to purchase available art or to special order a piece.

new pieces, new pieces

New pieces are up at www.facebook.com/littleliondesigns and www.littleliondesigns.etsy.com. They're also on my website at www.littleliondesigns.com. 

Reminder that my show is running all of June at Bela Dubby. Bela Dubby hours and location are located here.

Show is up!

Well, it's officially up! My first big show is now up at Bela Dubby in Lakewood. Bela Dubby is located at 13321 Madison Ave, Lakewood, OH. I have 21 pieces up there now and am bringing in 2 more over the weekend. This Saturday there is a big arts and crafts exhibit there. It's on Saturday the 5th from 12-??. It would be a great time to go shopping for local art. :) Be sure to pick up a CHD fact flyer (hanging on the wall in a fabric pouch with all the business cards and such) and bring it into Planet Green in Rocky River for 10% off anything in the store.

Everyone is officially invited to the opening party, as well. It will be on June 12 from 5-8 pm. Lots of veggie and vegan fare, cookies, coffee, beer, etc. will be available.

Thank you all for supporting local art and helping me raise awareness and funding for the research/prevention (and one day cure!) for congenital heart defects.

click image to enlarge.

Click here to visit little lion designs official website. Sales and contact info are located in the "contact" section.

June Art Show INFO!

Hello all! The June show at Bela Dubby on Madison Ave. in Lakewood, Ohio will be going up the morning of June 1! I'm letting you all know that it will be up the entire month of June, just in case you were unable to make it to the opening on June 12 from 5-8.

For Bela Dubby or the June 12th opening party info, please see this link:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/manage/?act=56148047#!/event.php?eid=101934279844514&ref=share

Thank you all for your support! This show really means a lot to me, as it's Kaia's birthday, as well as my own. I really feel like she helped me through all the pieces and was a true inspiration to it all. I'm so honored to be able to share it with all of you.

Just a reminder that any orders placed in May will have a portion of the proceeds going to The Children's Heart Foundation in honor of Kaia's birthday. If she, or the show, or anything inspires you to give, please consider the Children's Heart Foundation or It's My Heart for your charitable dollars. Feel free to grab one or several CHD fact sheets from my show and pass them out. All donation info is located on those.

Blessings!
Stephanie

new pieces are up!

Please visit my facebook page to get the latest updates on events and works. Remember that a portion of all sales ordered in May will go to The Children's Heart Foundation, in honor of Kaia Urban.

I hope you enjoy!

Tree Frog, 18 x 24, Commissioned and sold! Copyright 2010 LLD


Apology, 22 x 30, Available for purchase, June 1 at Bela Dubby in Lakewood, OH! Copyright 2010 LLD


Michael Williams Surf Spot, 18 x 24, Commissioned and sold! Copyright 2010 LLD

Kaia's birthday month donations!

Hello all! It's May. And May is the month our beautiful daughter was born. To honor her life during her birthday month, I will be donating (a minimum of $10 from each sale I make) to the Children's Heart Foundation. If you would like to donate a bit of spare change or whatever you can afford, in honor of her and all the other children who have passed away from CHDs or live with them daily, please visit The Children's Heart Foundation, and click the donate link. I would also like to mention It's My Heart, as well, who also need donations. To donate to It's My Heart, please go to It's My Heart's website and click the donate link.

Holy Moly! Was NOT expecting this!

My good friend, Sativa, is such an amazing woman and a huge supporter of Little Lion. I was surprised this morning to wake up to a message that LLD has a write-up on an automotive blog (I used to be a designer for two automotive magazines). What a wonderful Mother's Day gift! I'm not sure how many people follow this blog, but each person that reads this is one more person closer to finding what causes CHDs and stopping them altogether! Thank you, Sativa! And thank you AskPatty.com! You can read the write-up here.

Mother's Day

This mother's day is a rough one. I will be celebrating it with my husband, and it feels so strange. It's almost been one year since Kaia's birth and I still cry every day. I still can't listen to certain songs. Sometimes when our baby kicks inside of me, I think of her...of stroking her hair or her soft soft skin....of her beautiful face and how she would look at me. It's so hard to let go of the guilt. We should have taken her to cleveland clinic. We should never have let those doctors and nurses touch her anymore after butchering her surgery and then never watching after her like they should have. I want to talk to a lawyer, but I don't have the strength to relive it all just yet.

I'm honored to have been given a second chance at a child. I (we) worry about how much this one will look like her, and if we'll be able to handle that emotionally. Will I be able to attach myself to him/her or will I stay distant because I don't ever want to feel that loss again? I already feel attached, and it's scary. Once you lose a child, you feel that it's so easy to lose a child and that it could happen again. I can't explain it properly.

When you're pregnant, so many people ask you if this is your first child. I know they mean well and to make conversation. I'm happy to talk about my daughter, but sometimes it's just not the right time or the right person to talk about it to. I find myself, all day, every day, telling the story of how I lost my precious girl to an ugly defect. Soon, I'm crying with a total stranger. And the conversation always ends there, with an "I'm sorry" and then a look of pity.

On this mother's day, I make a promise to myself and my family, that my children will always be the most important people in my life. I will always fight for them. I will always protect them. I will always be here for them. I will never turn my back on them or be petty with them. I will never cause unnecessary drama in their lives. I will never make myself more important than them. They will always come before all others. I will let them feel and be and do whatever it is they are called to. I will love them unconditionally, forever, with no boundaries. And I will forever be their mother, even if not all of them are here with me on earth.

Happy Mother's day to all of the great mothers out there.

Perfect circle

A picture of Kaia and her urn sit on our mantle. We had it blown to look like the earth, since that's what her name meant. We had a pinch of sand from the spot we got married, thrown into it. Thanks to Michael from the Glass Bubble in Ohio City for blowing a few for us to choose from!

The swirls go on and on, there is no ending point....just like a life.

A huge heartfelt thank you

When I was working at my last company, I didn't feel fulfilled. I was happy with my job, but something was missing. It bothered me daily that what I was doing was not helping people in any way. I was doing nothing for others. I was merely using my creativity to help a team pull in ad dollars.

After three and a half months off for Kaia's birth, illness and bereavement, I went back to work for only one week. During that week, I fought with my husband over the stupidest things. We hadn't fought in probably 6 months, but we fought that whole week. I realized that then/now, more than ever, I needed to do something to help people in some way shape or form. I had no idea how to do that artistically. All I know how to do is art. I've never been good at anything else. In realizing my job was the root of the tension, I looked up to God and said "I need to find something else to do with my life. Please help me." Then I asked Kaia to help lead mommy, as well. The very next day, I was laid-off. I took it as a sign.

After spending a couple of days sulking, I got a call from my sister-in-law about a lady who was interested in selling my fabric art. At this point, I'd only done one piece for Kaia's nursery. That's all I had to show this woman in our meeting, and it was enough for her to say "let's go for it".

I spent the next month creating and wondering "will this work". I still needed to know that this new career venture would be helping others in some way. With each piece I sold, I got to tell Kaia's story. Each piece was spreading awareness of CHD. People kept saying "I've never heard of that" or "I've never been aware of that". Word spread through facebook and CHD communities, and soon I was being blessed with being able to create these pieces for kids with CHDs, for fund-raisers for CHD and for new families just finding out about CHDs. I've received letters and emails of how Kaia's story is still helping families. How all of this is inspiring parents and loved ones. This is the greatest blessing anyone can give us.

I think a parent's greatest fear is that their child will be forgotten after they pass. And you all show me on a daily basis that her life is still working wonders. She's still inspiring people, and she's still here glowing like a bright light.

As long as this can continue, I will be a part of it. This business is what I'd been missing in my career. I never thought I could help people through my own story....through Kaia's story....through my art. But it's clearly evident that I can. I feel this is one of the most important things I've ever had the chance to do, and I thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for giving us this chance. Each person made aware of CHD is another step toward finding a cure or a prevention. Each dollar donated can be a life saved. Every little bit helps. I firmly believe that maybe one person can't make a huge difference alone, but a few people working together can change the world. It is you who is changing this world.

Thank you for remembering her, for supporting us and for helping future CHD families. Each piece of Little Lion Designs artwork will be shipped with a CHD fact sheet and what you can do to further help, if you choose.

Many blessings to all of you. 10 fold....it will come back. Thank you again!

hola

So, it seems that nobody can find me on etsy. Etsy doesn't allow spaces in their names. So, if you search, you have to search "littleliondesigns" (no quotations and no spaces). But here is the link, just in case you would like it. :)
www.littleliondesigns.etsy.com

All of my new work appears weekly on facebook as well. Please feel free to take a look! While you're there, please become a fan and spread the word!
www.facebook.com/littleliondesigns

Unemployment is nearing its end. I was hoping to have this business rockin' and rollin' enough to survive off of. BUT...not there yet. Heads up though, available work is now being sold at Local Girl Gallery in Lakewood. ALSO, Bela Dubby Coffee Shop & Bar has me scheduled for June. So, all of June, my work will be up and for sale there! I will have a gallery opening in early June for this. So, stay tuned!

Here's some sneak peaks into the latest stuff:

this is CHD awareness week

I am ashamed at myself for not making the time to make this known on my blog sooner. It might be national healthy heart month, but this exact week (from the 7th-14th) is CHD awareness week.
There are many angels that have been lost, but they are now up in heaven together without the limits of the human body. My daughter has taught me that there is no room for anything but love and that which comes from a place of love, in our lives. She has taught me how to live, what I had to remove in order to live this way....the guilt, the negativity, the nay-sayers.... I am now surrounded in love. We are surrounded in love and only love. And the only person who could have done that for us was our own child.
We love you, Kaia Belle Urban!
Please take a moment to honor our angels by clicking here.

If you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant, I urge you to watch this video. This simple newborn screening could save your child's life. We almost went home with Kaia because the doctors thought she was healthy. If it wasn't for my c-section, this would have been our reality too.
click here & hopefully you can view this. It's on facebook.

Here are the solid facts:
CHD is an anomaly of the heart that is present at birth. CHD’s cause one or more portions of the heart to develop abnormally. At least 35 distinct forms recognized.
(There is no known cause for CHD, although genetics is the number one suspect)

CHD is the # 1 birth defect and is the leading cause of birth-defect related deaths…
(While it is the most common birth defect, it is the least publicized.)

CHD strikes children without regard to economic level, ethnic origin, sex, geographic location or religious beliefs.

40,000 infants are born with CHD each year in the U.S.
(Still, newborns are not screened for CHD’s.)

Some babies may be diagnosed before birth or at birth, some not until days, weeks, months or even years later. Sadly, too many are not diagnosed until after death.

Undiagnosed CHD’s and Childhood Onset Heart Disease cause many cases of Sudden Cardiac Death in young athletes.
(Despite these statistics, teen-aged athletes are not routinely screened for CHD’s.)

There are 1.2 million children and adults with CHD alive today
(CHD affects not only patients, but also entire families.)

The Chosen Mothers

The Chosen Mothers
By Erma Bombeck

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit.
Did you ever wonder how mothers of children with life threatening illnesses are chosen?

Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth, son, patron saint Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, patron saint Cecilia. Rutledge, Carrie, twins, patron saint Gerard."

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and says, "Give her a child with cancer." The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy."

"Exactly" smiles God, "Could I give a child with cancer a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."
"But, does she have patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she will handle it."

"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has it's own world. She has to make it live in her world an that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she believes in you." No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps -"Selfishness? is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take anything her child does for granted. She will never consider a single step ordinary. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice...and allow her to rise above them." She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side."

"And what about her patron Saint?" asks the angel. His pen poised in mid-air. God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."

How you can help me

this was written by a woman who lost her children and husband in a house explosion. But I feel the words are so poignant and true for any parent who's lost a child. I see this image in my mind every day of my life.

_________________________________________________________

"~Please talk about my loved one, even though she is gone. It is more comforting to cry than to pretend that she never existed. I need to talk about her, and I need to do it over and over.

~Be patient with my agitation. Nothing feels secure in my world. Get comfortable with my crying. Sadness hits me in waves, and I never know when my tears may flow. Just sit with me in silence and hold my hand.

~Don't abandon me with the excuse that you don't want to upset me. You can't catch my grief. If you don't know what to say, just come over, give me a hug or touch my arm, and gently say, "I'm sorry." You can even say, "I just don't know what to say, but I care, and want you to know that."

~Just because I look good does not mean that I feel good. Ask me how I feel only if you really have time to find out.

~I am not strong. I'm just numb. When you tell me I am strong, I feel that you don't see me.

~I will not recover. This is not a cold or the flu. I'm not sick. I'm grieving and that's different. My grieving may only begin 6 months after my loved one's death. Don't think that I will be over it in a year. For I am not only grieving her death, but also the person I was when I was with her, the life that we shared, the plans we had for watching our children and grandchildren grow, the places we will never get to go together, and the hopes and dreams that will never come true. My whole world has crumbled and I will never be the same.

~I will not always be grieving as intensely, but I will never forget my loved one and rather than recover, I want to incorporate her life and love into the rest of my life. She is a part of me and always will be, and sometimes I will remember her with joy and other times with a tear. Both are okay.

~I don't have to accept the death. Yes, I have to understand that it has happened and it is real, but there are some things in life that are just not acceptable.

~When you tell me what I should be doing, then I feel even more lost and alone. I feel badly enough that my loved one is gone, so please don't make it worse by telling me I'm not doing this right.

~Please don't tell me I can have another baby. What makes you think people are replaceable? They aren't. Whoever comes after will always be someone different.

~I don't even understand what you mean when you say, "You've got to get on with your life." My life is going on, I've been forced to take on many new responsibilities and roles. It may not look the way you think it should. This will take time and I will never be my old self again. So please, just love me as I am today, and know that with your love and support, the joy will slowly return to my life. But I will never forget and there will always be times that I cry.

~I need to know that you care about me. I need to feel your touch, your hugs. I need you just to be with me, and I need to be with you. I need to know you believe in me and in my ability to get through my grief in my own way, and in my own time.

~Please don't say, "Call me if you need anything." I'll never call you because I have no idea what I need. Trying to figure out what you could do for me takes more energy than I have. So, in advance, let me give you some ideas:

(a) Bring food or a movie over to watch together.
(b) Send me a card on special holidays, her birthday, and the anniversary of her death, and be sure to mention her name. You can't make me cry. The tears are here and I will love you for giving me the opportunity to shed them because someone cared enough about me to reach out on this difficult day.
(c) Ask me more than once to join you at a movie or lunch or dinner. I may so no at first or even for a while, but please don't give up on me because somewhere down the line, I may be ready, and if you've given up then I really will be alone.
(d) Understand how difficult it is for me to be surrounded by children, to go home alone, to feel out of place in the same situations where I used to feel so comfortable.

~Please don't judge me now - or think that I'm behaving strangely.
Remember I'm grieving. I may even be in shock. I am afraid. I may feel deep rage. I may even feel guilty. But above all, I hurt. I'm experiencing a pain unlike any I've ever felt before and one that can't be imagined by anyone who has not walked in my shoes.

~Don't worry if you think I'm getting better and then suddenly I seem to slip backward. Grief makes me behave this way at times. And please don't tell me you know how I feel, or that it's time for me to get on with my life. What I need now is time to grieve.

~Most of all thank you for being my friend. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for caring. Thank you for helping, for understanding. Thank you for praying for me.

And remember in the days or years ahead, after your loss - when you need me as I have needed you - I will understand. And then I will come and be with you."

Kaia made it into another video

Our dear daughter made it into another CHD awareness video. I strongly urge everyone to watch this video. It not only has a bunch of people with CHDs and angels who passed from a CHD, but it also has their feelings and the parents of these kids feelings. One woman said exactly how I felt with Kaia. It's 4:37 minutes/seconds in. I too remember holding Kaia's warm dead body until it got colder and colder. Only, instead of lowering the casket (which she talks about), for me it was going to the funeral home and picking up her ashes. To be eerily aware that what once was a soft and very much alive being inside my belly, was now a bag of crunching pieces of bone and flesh....so much tinier than I'd expected. This woman's words brought me right back. I fight daily to break through the pain. It's a never-ending battle that I will live with until I die. A battle that I lost part of my family over. A battle that I got closer to the rest of my family over. A battle that I never wanted to fight.
Kaia is 7:15 minutes/seconds in. The video was created by a wonderful woman named Jessica who lives with her CHD. She is also featured in the video, which is alphabetical order. Please watch and donate to one of the mentioned organizations at the end, if you find it in your full hearts.
Please click here to see video.