Wednesday, June 24, 2009

at a loss

Kaia's lung collapsed again last night. It just won't stay open. Nobody knows why/how/etc. I'm feel defeated. I want to be in hibernation until this is all over. How are we supposed to take anymore? She can't get off the breathing tube until it opens and stays open for good. We thought yesterday was that day, but then it collapsed again. She's making no improvements right now. It's almost like she's given up. You can see it in her face. She looks defeated too. Her eyes look so empty. And it makes it really hard to look at her without losing it. I can't take this anymore. I'm getting angry at God, and that is not right. But, if he's in control, then why and how could you allow this to happen to her? Please help her. Can't anyone just fix her?


  1. Oh Stephanie, what a whirlwind of tragic events that are happening in your lives at this time. I pray,pray and pray! I am staying positive and know that this will work out for all of you. If I can be of any releif for either one of you at this time, please let me know. Kaia is tired, but not defeated!!!!
    XOXOXO Aunt Tina

  2. I can not imagine all that you have endured these past weeks. You have been so strong for your little girl. So many people are praying for you and Eric and Kaia. You will find the strength you need to keep going somewhere inside; I am sure it is there. Kaia is going to pull through all of this and there will be quite a story to tell. Our candle is still burning for Kaia and our prayers continue each day.
    Kate McBride (a friend of your mom's)

  3. I know Kaia's mom pretty well. I think what you may see in her eyes is frustration/anger, & if that's the case, then things are about to change... big time.

  4. I am sure your baby girl is tired/frustrated and a whole bunch of other things. But she'll draw strength from your strength, and you can draw strength from the rest of us who have you on our minds, and are praying for you and your family.