One year ago today

Today, last year, at 9:16 in the morning, Miss Kaia Belle Urban made her debut into the world weighing 6 lbs 9 oz and measuring 18.5 inches long. Today would have been her one year birthday.

Kaia, I miss you more than words could ever explain. I can't believe how much our lives have changed because of you. And I know that your lifetime of work was done in only 34 days, and then you were allowed to go Home. I pray that you are flying with the butterflies and playing with the other lions up there. We are so proud of what you did in your short life, and what you continue to do through your story. You have become a little legacy, and that is more than most of us can say about ourselves. You're my heart and soul and definitely the drum beat this family marches to.

All my love, baby girl.
Mommy

June Art Show INFO!

Hello all! The June show at Bela Dubby on Madison Ave. in Lakewood, Ohio will be going up the morning of June 1! I'm letting you all know that it will be up the entire month of June, just in case you were unable to make it to the opening on June 12 from 5-8.

For Bela Dubby or the June 12th opening party info, please see this link:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/manage/?act=56148047#!/event.php?eid=101934279844514&ref=share

Thank you all for your support! This show really means a lot to me, as it's Kaia's birthday, as well as my own. I really feel like she helped me through all the pieces and was a true inspiration to it all. I'm so honored to be able to share it with all of you.

Just a reminder that any orders placed in May will have a portion of the proceeds going to The Children's Heart Foundation in honor of Kaia's birthday. If she, or the show, or anything inspires you to give, please consider the Children's Heart Foundation or It's My Heart for your charitable dollars. Feel free to grab one or several CHD fact sheets from my show and pass them out. All donation info is located on those.

Blessings!
Stephanie

new pieces are up!

Please visit my facebook page to get the latest updates on events and works. Remember that a portion of all sales ordered in May will go to The Children's Heart Foundation, in honor of Kaia Urban.

I hope you enjoy!

Tree Frog, 18 x 24, Commissioned and sold! Copyright 2010 LLD


Apology, 22 x 30, Available for purchase, June 1 at Bela Dubby in Lakewood, OH! Copyright 2010 LLD


Michael Williams Surf Spot, 18 x 24, Commissioned and sold! Copyright 2010 LLD

There is HOPE!

Oh my gosh! Paula, I hope you don't mind, but I'm so proud of her, I had to share this! Several months back, I posted a few prayer requests for baby Hope (click here for a refresher). Hope has been so close to my heart since before she was even born. She has HLHS and is such a little fighter and quite the survivor.

Hope's mother, Paula, was interviewed by the Akron Beacon Journal, who wrote a wonderful story about little Hope and her fight, as well as what it was like for mom and dad. I know I have zero to do with her success, but I feel so proud of her and just had to share this article. You can read it by clicking here.

Here's to miracles big and small!

Kaia's birthday month donations!

Hello all! It's May. And May is the month our beautiful daughter was born. To honor her life during her birthday month, I will be donating (a minimum of $10 from each sale I make) to the Children's Heart Foundation. If you would like to donate a bit of spare change or whatever you can afford, in honor of her and all the other children who have passed away from CHDs or live with them daily, please visit The Children's Heart Foundation, and click the donate link. I would also like to mention It's My Heart, as well, who also need donations. To donate to It's My Heart, please go to It's My Heart's website and click the donate link.

Holy Moly! Was NOT expecting this!

My good friend, Sativa, is such an amazing woman and a huge supporter of Little Lion. I was surprised this morning to wake up to a message that LLD has a write-up on an automotive blog (I used to be a designer for two automotive magazines). What a wonderful Mother's Day gift! I'm not sure how many people follow this blog, but each person that reads this is one more person closer to finding what causes CHDs and stopping them altogether! Thank you, Sativa! And thank you AskPatty.com! You can read the write-up here.

Mother's Day

This mother's day is a rough one. I will be celebrating it with my husband, and it feels so strange. It's almost been one year since Kaia's birth and I still cry every day. I still can't listen to certain songs. Sometimes when our baby kicks inside of me, I think of her...of stroking her hair or her soft soft skin....of her beautiful face and how she would look at me. It's so hard to let go of the guilt. We should have taken her to cleveland clinic. We should never have let those doctors and nurses touch her anymore after butchering her surgery and then never watching after her like they should have. I want to talk to a lawyer, but I don't have the strength to relive it all just yet.

I'm honored to have been given a second chance at a child. I (we) worry about how much this one will look like her, and if we'll be able to handle that emotionally. Will I be able to attach myself to him/her or will I stay distant because I don't ever want to feel that loss again? I already feel attached, and it's scary. Once you lose a child, you feel that it's so easy to lose a child and that it could happen again. I can't explain it properly.

When you're pregnant, so many people ask you if this is your first child. I know they mean well and to make conversation. I'm happy to talk about my daughter, but sometimes it's just not the right time or the right person to talk about it to. I find myself, all day, every day, telling the story of how I lost my precious girl to an ugly defect. Soon, I'm crying with a total stranger. And the conversation always ends there, with an "I'm sorry" and then a look of pity.

On this mother's day, I make a promise to myself and my family, that my children will always be the most important people in my life. I will always fight for them. I will always protect them. I will always be here for them. I will never turn my back on them or be petty with them. I will never cause unnecessary drama in their lives. I will never make myself more important than them. They will always come before all others. I will let them feel and be and do whatever it is they are called to. I will love them unconditionally, forever, with no boundaries. And I will forever be their mother, even if not all of them are here with me on earth.

Happy Mother's day to all of the great mothers out there.

Cora's Story & dealing with a loss

There's a little girl named Cora. Five months ago yesterday she passed away in her mother's arms while breastfeeding. Her parents had no idea she was born with a heart defect. When her mother was feeding her in the middle of the night, she looked down and saw blood. Little Cora, who was so perfect on the outside, had an undetected CHD and didn't make it past her 5th day of life. To read her story, visit her page dedicated to CHDs.

Please visit her story and send them a prayer. She's one of the many that I think of daily.

Unfortunately I know how it is to hold your lifeless baby....to feel her get cold....to replay those moments over and over again. I can still hear the deep intense wailing that only a mother could make after losing her child. It's a sound I made for days/weeks, and I can still hear it in my head. I too know the last look she gave me. And I know the strength it takes to go on. My heart goes out to her. With strength from her daughter, she keeps fighting the fight. That is all we can do at this point. We march on and spread awareness and hope that one day no parent or child has to go through this same thing. I know our children have changed our lives, and maybe they did their life's worth of work in that short time and got to go to heaven to get their reward early.

Cora's page (click here) has a great section of helping a friend deal with child loss. Although most of the people in my life were very supportive, I have also heard all the things you shouldn't say to someone over and over again. I still talk about her daily. I will never be able to stop, and that is okay. When someone passes, they are not "dead". They are transformed. To pretend they didn't exist is to give no meaning to that life...to ignore the lessons that life came to teach. Kaia will have a birthday party each year. She will be memorialized on the day of her passing. She will forever be here, and she will forever change lives with her story. She did that while she was here, for us and for hundreds of others. It doesn't end just because we can't see that person anymore. She is still here, and we will always fight for CHD awareness and research in her honor. We will always love and see life through love in her honor. She taught us that petty is stupid. There's no room for it. We are here to love, to be loved and to spread love. And all this is just from our loss...and we have all lost someone we love. There are so many lessons.