Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Discovery channel - NICU

I was just flipping through channels and, to my surprise, heard the name "Dr. Ross Ungerleider" mentioned. Holy moses! That was Kaia's surgeon. He was on this show on the Discovery Chanel called "NICU". Apparently, the show went to University Hospitals in Cleveland to shoot this episode about a heart baby and her surgery....the same place Kaia had her surgery. I found it quite interesting that, for the show, the baby that was operated on got to go back to the NICU after her open heart surgery. In real life, they put these babies in the PICU after surgery, where, I believe, they receive a much lower quality of care. I watched the remainder of the program and it just made me angry. I still have a lot of anger over the situation. I listed to the mother of the child speak about her experience. Her words were so familiar "Numb", "It's hard because I can't hold her", "all I can do is be her mom and love her", "You can't believe it's part of your reality", "I've never had to deal with such uncertainty in my life", "I've never had to dig so deep for strength in my life". All thoughts and emotions we felt day in and day out. I watched her break down overtop of her baby as she dug deep for that strength to go on. I heard all the beeps of the IVs ... a sound I never wanted to hear again. It's haunting. I found myself crying for this woman in her pain, as well as for me in my own. I'm left angry, knowing that they allowed this baby to remain in the NICU because of tv, when Kaia was put in the PICU. These emotions spilled over into thoughts of my relationships (or non-relationships) with my estranged family. Ugh, and I still want to sue the pants off the hospital. Damn that show for dredging all of this up. I'm leaving it here and moving on with my day.
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