Thursday, June 16, 2011

RIP my first little dude

My Kota love.
For years (14 years and 6 days, to be exact) you loved me. You hated all others who came between me and you, which was EVERYONE, in your eyes. I didn't mind. It made me feel special. I loved how you'd sit behind me in my office chair.
You comfy back there?
You always found a way to be near me or on me, no matter what. Even when I was pregnant, my belly couldn't get in your way.
I love you, mommy.
You played fetch with me with milk jug rings and wadded pieces of paper. Every time I balanced my checkbook, you were right next to me, waiting for me to crinkle a receipt and throw it for you to go fetch.

You sometimes even loved your brother, Mustache.
Brotherly love.
Everyone made fun of your short and crooked tail, but I loved it. It made you unique. It made you different.
You can kind of see my crooked tail....

I will always look for you when I turn on the hair dryer or my electric toothbrush. The sound was a cue for you to come sit on the countertop to get pet while I dried my hair and brushed my teeth. I looked for you this morning. I forgot you were gone.

Yesterday was your last day here. At 1:25, you were put to rest. I wish you had liked Finn. Attacking him and I is what led me to the decision to have you put down. You were not well. Severely diabetic and hating your daily double dose of shots, you had trouble walking and knew your days of alpha male were over. You didn't take this well and turned on everyone in this house, and I'm sad for that. But I know that it's your animal instinct to do so in the wild, because it keeps the others from making you their dinner. I have to remember that you are an animal, and those are your basic instincts. You didn't mean harm to me. And so, I sat with you and held you and told you I was sorry and that I loved you until the doctor said your heart was done beating. I hope you know I was there for you until the end.

True love
I even dug your grave myself. Almost 3 feet deep. I hit a slate deposit and couldn't go further, but you are down deep. I laid a milk jug ring in there for you to play with in heaven. It was very hard placing you in your resting hole. Seeing you down there, I swear I saw you breathing again. It took awhile before I could cover you up with earth. The first shovel of earth over you was the hardest part. It was the last minute I would ever see you here. I miss you already. But I want you to know that I was with you. I stayed through to your last minutes and laid you to rest myself. I did it because I love you.

Now it's your turn to do something for momma. Please find KK and Taffy and lick them for me. Be kind. Don't bite. I took this video of your last moments before taking you into the clinic.

I love you and will forever see your shadow bouncing around this house. I will miss your head butts and your sandpaper kisses. You were my first kiddo, and you will forever have a piece of my heart.

Love always,
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